Worry Wart

Separation... haircuts... toenail clipping... thunder... but above all, wind. At what point do we worry that this is beyond normal toddler/preschooler fear, and has become a problem? When it interferes with his activities? Check. When it interferes with the family's activities? Check. When he resorts to shutting himself inside to avoid it? Check. When his fear levels him with hysterical cries, red face and sweating head? Check. My range of thoughts on the topic go from "he's smart and gifted... his intellectual understanding (yes, the thunder and the wind can, in fact, hurt you at some level) is beyond his emotional development (being able to put these things into perspective and deal with minor discomforts), to "oh my God, we have to check him in to a mini mental institution or he's going to take up smoking to comfort himself."

Ian has always been an intense kid. Anyone who has talked to us in the last 3 and a half years knows that he has had more than his share of struggle with sleep- nightmares, night terrors, night waking, and giving up naps before 2 years old. He cries when he hears a "sleepy song" or lullaby. He doesn't like loud noises or to be more than 10 feet away from us at most times. He has never, not once, let me take him to a child care for an hour at the gym or even at his preschool while I attend a meeting.

There are many, many levels on which to sing Ian's praises. Just last night a friend of a friend said "wow, he's so respectful" as he stopped to ask me if it was okay to run after the pack of kids that was not caring one iota what their parents thought about playing in the water table in the rain. He's known as a sweet and lovable kid. He has a great imagination and is physically able ahead of his years. But I find this intensity so hard to parent sometimes. Are we supposed to coddle him? Ignore it? Discipline it?? I have no idea what the right answer is. There are always two sides; he is also intensely loving, intensely smart, and intensely attached to us. We always said we were grateful to not have a "bump on a log" baby- sweet and easy but not quite present. Sometimes that sounds kind of nice.

At the end of the day, I do believe these fears will pass. I think the intensity will likely be a lifelong theme for Ian, but that will take him far if channeled constructively. For now, this family needs a vacation. It's a good thing we have a long and leisurely road trip with lots of fun stops on the way coming up next week. Let's just hope it's not windy along the way.

"Is it windy???"

Our attempted backyard picnic in the slightest, most lovely breeze on a warm day. This is just before the tears started to flow.