(image borrowed from http://www.makememanly.com)
What I gained: Fitness in all measures- strength, speed, endurance. Self respect. A sense of self-discipline. Half a pound of lean muscle. 2 more notches on my belt (literally- I had to have new holes punched!)
I was so dedicated to this thing that by the end, I was even annoying myself. You know when you just don't want to hear about it anymore, when someone else is doing something like this? I didn't want to think about it any more at times, didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to do it. I was sick of it. But I stuck it out, and I am so grateful to Matt and the kids for supporting me wholeheartedly during this month- even though sometimes mommy with no vices can be a *little* moody. I did have two meals during the 30 days that were not clean... at the time it was totally planned and in control, but looking back I do wish I had stuck to my guns the full 30 days. One thing I did not cheat on was the alcohol- for some reason failure in that department wasn't an option!
 |
| Grassfed steak with cherry glaze. Yum. |
I knew I would have headaches, I would feel deprived at times, would have cravings; but what I didn't expect was the emotional roller coaster that breaking comfortable habits would lead to. The cream in my coffee every morning. The drink (or two) with dinner most nights. The bread.... oh, the bread that is so comforting and delicious. It is very hard to articulate my emotional relationship to food, but there were many times in the first couple weeks especially that I really felt sorry for myself. I felt deprived during social events when I couldn't eat or drink anything. To my shock, that went away. I don't think my emotional tie to food is more extreme than most people's, but it is how we celebrate. It is where I turn when I'm really happy, or really stressed, or really grumpy, to give my brain that little boost of serotonin. It is subtle, but undeniably there. And this 30 days taught me that I don't need anything in the way of food or drink- it took some serious power away from food. Sure, life is too short to not enjoy and indulge. And I enjoy food. I enjoy drinks. Most of all I enjoy not having to think every time I eat. But like all things, when it is restricted in some manner, the enjoyment derived from food escalates. The key is to harness that power, yet not let it be a power over me. I have been a yo-yo in terms of weight and fitness my entire life. I have spent way too much time thinking about it, working on it, making new "that's it!" resolutions. My real challenge is to not let this time be more of the same. This is for the rest of my life.
 |
| This is how you do girls' night on the clean challenge; fruity bubbly water and paleo deviled eggs topped with bacon! |
What I also didn't expect was how many bad food choices I make out of laziness or over-busy-ness, and have nothing to do with cravings. It is easier to make a sandwich for lunch, or have a cup of yogurt for a snack, or munch on some chips in the afternoon when I'm a little slow to get dinner on than it is to have truly nutritious food ready to go. I was aiming for about 1700 calories a day this month, and when that is in the form of NOTHING but nutrient-dense calories, that is a lot of food. The rest is just fillers and empty calories. Planning, shopping, and having the go-to's available all the time is really not that hard, it's a habit that needs to be forged.
 |
| Shrimp & Avo ceviche on a bed of lettuce. That's not deprivation, that's lunch! |
The most challenging part of my challenge is now... to maintain the self-discipline to re-introduce foods gradually so that I can arrive at "my personal paleo code", or what is good for my body alone. Is it dairy that gives me heartburn? We'll soon find out. Is it grains, or is it the refined oils that are SO omnipresent in prepared foods? Or is it the accumulation of all of that, and once I reach a daily threshold I feel that familiar burn in my chest? Once I figure it out, I will know how I need to eat for the rest of my days. That's huge.
As my wise husband says, "All things in moderation, including moderation". And with that, I am going to keep up my new-found paleo lifestyle for 80-90% of the time. That leaves room for things I love that are not good for me in large amounts. Pizza. Ice cream. Cookies. Cream in my coffee. A big fat juicy Illegal Pete's burrito. Vacation food. And with that, hopefully I can continue toward my goal of "fit for my 40's", which are just around the corner. I feel amazing, I feel accomplished, I feel in control of my health and well-being. I feel more fit that I probably have, ever. That's a win.
 |
| My favorite form of "moderation" |
