The right thing

Maggie is asleep for a nap. It wasn't that simple, though. For 19 months my baby girl has nursed to sleep almost without exception; on occasion she'll fall asleep in the car. This has been fine and well for the most part; no tears, happy baby, happy mommy, happy family with no crying baby. The complication occurs when Mommy goes to work or is somehow otherwise unavailable (which is pretty much never any reason besides work). Then we end up with a heartbroken Daddy, Grammy, or Auntie, when little miss tugs at their shirt when she is tired (and now says "nussies?" with an ever-hopeful look on her face), and they don't have the kind of comfort she wants to help her drift off to sleep. So she rallies, doesn't sleep, is generally still in a pretty good mood, but deteriorates as the day goes on. Either I come home and nurse her to sleep in ten seconds flat and then she's up til 10 (or 11!), or she goes without a nap and has an early but restless night. Neither are good scenarios.

The right thing is most definitely not always the easiest thing.

So, it's time to disassociate "nussies" from sleep for Maggiebel. I've always known that wouldn't be easy. It wasn't with Ian, and it most certainly won't be with Maggie. But the only other option for every one's sanity and health would be to wean her totally, and neither of us are ready for that just yet. I also know that we have, at least in part, created our own little sleep monsters by our practices. I don't regret that for many reasons; we've had happy babies who've had their needs respected and met. At least at this age, she can in part understand what I'm telling her as I try to soothe her to sleep with something other than a nurse; that I love her, that she can do this, she can nurse when she wakes up, and that she is going to be okay. Still, it breaks my heart for her to cry, beg, get angry, and put up a royal fight (no, we still don't have "bump-on-a-log" babies, for which we are usually grateful) while I try to soothe her to sleep with songs, pats, back rubs, and rocking. Today, it took an hour. But here she is above, after crying herself to sleep with me trying inadequately to comfort her. I can't wait for her to wake up to tell her I love her, I'm proud of her, I'm sorry, and that it will help the whole family keep the balance we work so hard for.